Stormy weather

stormy weatherI’ve been a little bit quiet on the blog front in the last couple of weeks.  For lots of different reasons.

My beloved pooch had a minor operation yesterday, but the anxiety kicked in for me earlier in the week.  He’s my furbaby and every time he has a health blip it sends my anxiety up a couple of notches.  He’s now back home and recovering well.

After the initial excitement of quitting a truly terrible contract, the phone has stayed eerily silent – there is no new contract on the horizon, or even the peep or promise of one.  The bills still insist on following their regular pattern though, and are arriving on a disturbingly regular basis.  On top of the regular costs, there have been the unexpected – vet procedures, photo shoots, book copy edits and book designs – none of these things come for free.  I’m not used to being this close to the financial edge.  It is a painful experience.  Especially when I think back to the financial ease I was living in a few years ago.

Paradoxically, things are going great guns with the book.  The copy-edit process is complete, as is the photo shoot.   My editor and I are now talking book design, press campaigns and even a launch date.  I am actually living my dream.  I am writing and publishing a book.  It’s exhilarating and wonderful and also slightly terrifying.

So much has changed in the past four weeks – on one hand I’m moving forward in the direction of my dreams and things are progressing faster than I could have imagined, and on the other I’ve shed things that aren’t good for me, although that means I have no idea what’s going to happen in terms of new contracts and my finances.

And because there has been so much change I’ve felt a little bit like I’ve been caught in a storm.  One set of work worries tossing me this way, another set of financial fears throwing me that way, health headaches battering and bruising me a little in the process.  It happens every now and again.  We all have rainy days and crappy days.  And at this point in time, it makes sense, really.  When we make fundamental changes to our lives I guess we should expect a little stormy weather as we change course.  The last ten days have felt rough and stormy.

But not once has it made me want to go back to what I was doing before.

It’s also made me appreciate all that I have.  A wonderfully supportive family, a fabulous group of friends and an even deeper conviction in my new path.  It might be wet and windy right now but I know the sun will come out, and I can’t wait to see where I am when it does.

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